Yahrzeit & “Apathy Blanket” (Poem)

Maybe I should have made this into two separate posts.  I’m sure the title has people confused as heck!

Hopefully some of you stuck around to find out what it means.

“Yahrzeit” is a Yiddish word.  It means “anniversary,” but it typically comes up in the form of remembering the death of a loved one.  We memorialize the day by lighting a Yahrzeit candle, which burns a full 24 hours.

I think it signifies the light that person’s life had on our lives.  A light that is now extinguished.  I’m not sure about that; it’s what I choose to believe, though.

23 years ago today, my Mom died.  We have a candle burning.

Separate, but not entirely, I wrote the following recently.  Please let me know what you all think!

Apathy Blanket

I wrap myself
in a blanket of apathy.
Fitted to form
& occasion.

Wielded like a shield
against aged nuclear bomb,
I walk egg shells
made of triggers.

Sweet oblivion
of nonchalance,
prevents misstep
into depressions
previous blasts built.

Perhaps it protects
against joyous flying,
into the sun too.

I wouldn’t know how that feels.

my stoic shield
is smothering.

ooze out however they can,
demanding to be heard.

My skin crawls,
clad in a cape made of
nettles & numbness.

My teeth gnash.
Biting back
half-swallowed screams
until my head throbs.

My very center
refusing entry
closing me off
from myself.

Yet, I cling to my shroud
adamant that it’s all that will save me
from guaranteed fallout –
it’s not a matter of “if,” but “when” –
& it might.

it’s equally likely to destroy me.

© Ariel Lynn 3/3/19


8 thoughts on “Yahrzeit & “Apathy Blanket” (Poem)

    • Thank you for your comment.

      I’ll admit, the anniversary gets easier as time goes by, but there are still those random moments/days when I’m like, “I want my Mommy.”

      I think that’s an innate desire that time can’t break. 😥


    • Thank you, sweetheart. Even after all this time, it’s nice to have people express their condolences.

      Thank you, again, for your complimenting the poem! I thought it was too long, personally, but that’s my style – too many words. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re absolutely right, unfortunately. The anniversaries aren’t as bad, but when I’m really struggling, I do have moments (in between sobs & hyperventilating) when all I can think is, “I want my Mommy.”

        I don’t think we ever grow out of that want. 😿

        Aww! You’re so sweet!!! Thank you. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh, I’m so, so sorry Ariel. How are you holding up? Is there anything I can do? I think the Yahrzeit tradition is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. It seems like a tragically beautiful way to remember someone you lost. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m fine. It’s a really tough time for my Dad, who, in turn, takes it out on me. Hence, poem. LOL

      B said it was good that I turned it into something better though, & I have to agree.

      Well, like I said, the whole “light of a person’s life being commemorated with the lighting of a candle” might be something I came up with to explain the tradition of Yahrzeit. But, I like the way it sounds too. 🙂


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